Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Screwed.edu
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
