Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
