I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
