he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
