we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
