I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
