Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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