Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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