i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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