If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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