and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's blow job season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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