my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
