She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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