the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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