I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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