I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
