I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
