He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
