Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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