somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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