you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yo dont text me then not text me
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
