i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
