He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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