Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
