U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
