I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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