dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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