You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
