you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's blow job season.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
