Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
