pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
