I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
