that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
