1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
