I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
