We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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