he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
