Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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