Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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