pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
