I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Randomize
