Dignity is for republicans.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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