You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
