all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
