i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
