I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
