She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I need to calm my uterus...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
