fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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