sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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