i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I deserve this hangover.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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