I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
