tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
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I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need moral support for this bender
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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