Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
