After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
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But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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