life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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