Apparently you make a good broom.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
