Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
