i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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