im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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