TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
