Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
