She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
