God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
