Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
