I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
