There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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