did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
