wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
