pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
