We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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