If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
