Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
