WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
